New low: just hacked my moms facebook
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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