So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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