My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
