He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
