I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
