The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
