VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
