Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
