No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
