Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
