My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
