They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
