break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
