have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
