Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
whose ass print is on the piano?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
