The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
