i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
