Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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