4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
