It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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