I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
