OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
