if i can run in heels then i can drive
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
