never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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