You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
