kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
