my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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