just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
