her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
