the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
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