Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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