I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My balls are so social today.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
