We're facebook friends in real life
we have pet lesbian snakes
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
