My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
