So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
