i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
