apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
