Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
