I faked an abortion last night.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
