I just made out with a guy for $7.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
