she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
two words...techno handjob
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
