I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
