do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
