I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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