His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
