After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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