JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
