my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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