Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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