I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
