Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
